Category Archives: Living Deliberately

On Edge – Little Mysteries in Thoreau’s Journal

The knife I use to open the still-joined pages in my edition of Thoreau’s journal comes from Durango, Colorado; more precisely, it comes from a trail that winds above the town into the mountains. There, one morning as we walked up, finding our way eventually to a 12,000’ high point, I noticed anomaly packed into the reddish dirt; a flat, black stone, I thought. As I bent to look, I saw patterning, which resolved as the incised side of a 5-inch buck-knife. I dug it out, looked instinctively around for the owner, and, seeing no one, pocketed my find. No one else had been there for weeks.

That evening, I cleaned the knife, washing away the grit, scrubbing the blade, which soon shone dully, even as it held a fine edge. It became my trail-knife, both in the hills, and along the long reach of Thoreau’s uncut journals. If I look closely, I can still see the red dirt from that long-ago trail lining the cross-hatchings on the knife’s side.

Over time, I’ve come across a few other incisions as I’ve dropped like some small, literary paratrooper into this journal or that. A few whole pages have been sliced from this 1906 edition, and, of course, that has made me curious. The writer from whom I received these books struck me – though I knew her only a little – as a preserver. She had been a local newspaper editor and historian, and, when people wanted an answer to a town question from the past, they were likely to hear, “Go ask Eleanor. She’ll know.”

Each week, Eleanor would write a column about some local evolution, and each week, my wife, who edited the paper, would stop by to collect that column. Eleanor seemed to lead an interior life at that time, and most often the column, typed with the old Courier font, would be in a basket in the entryway to her house. Still, some connection must have formed, because one spring, books in boxes began to accompany the columns. And one of those boxes – two actually – held the 1906 edition on Thoreau’s journal and published works.

Some of the books that contributed to Thoreau's journals. Henry's Walden Pond library.

Some of the books that contributed to Thoreau’s journals. Henry’s Walden Pond library, as on display in the Special Collections at the Middlebury College Library.

Some years passed before I noticed the first missing page; its cut was straight and clean. It had been careful work. I had, by that time, devised my own cutting ritual, using my found buck-knife for the joined pages in sections Eleanor and whoever had owned these books before hadn’t opened. If I took care and drew the blade steadily toward me and down the seam, the paper parted so each page matched. If I hurried or even turned my head a little toward distraction, the paper would tear into ragged edges, though most of the time the generous margins left the writing intact. Still, each poor cut felt like injury.

But this excised page puzzled, and I looked into it. Research brought a few fantastic moments: might I have, as gift, one of the 600 Manuscript Editions, the 1906 printing that bound in a page of Thoreau’s original journal to each 20 volume set? I sat back in a little dream of discovery’s edge.

Well, no. Those editions were numbered; mine was not. A quick search on line shows that copies of the Manuscript Edition are still out there for sale…if you have roughly $20,000 to spare. My edition, the Walden Edition, clearly issued from a usual print run, part of a broader stream of publication, and a pencil notation suggested that Eleanor had acquired it in 1987, for the meager sum of $25. What then had been cut cleanly out? I would have to find out when I next met this set of books in some other library.

Still, this gift edition carries forward, offering affirmation and surprise. And, as further reward, during my sleuthing, I’ve reread Emerson’s unadorned and adoring introductory pages, his eulogy for Thoreau; its simple sentences pointed simply, admiringly, to genius in the pages ahead. To someone a cut above.

Link to Atlantic Monthly archive of the original publication of Emerson’s eulogy in 1862: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1862/08/thoreau/306418/

Taking “Shadies”

“As I walked on the railroad causeway, I used to wonder at the halo of light around my shadow, and would fain fancy myself one of the elect.” Thoreau, Walden

All the phoo-rah that gathers around groundhogs in early February has had me watching shadows. And that, mixed with my habit of taking everyday photos, has led me to “shadies,” a sort of self-representation that seems apt for woodswalkers, who surely track shadows as intently as light, or self.

I took my first recent shady by accident – there, in a micro-climate nursed by the sun, were a few shoots of green grass. Attuned to winter’s shades of sere and brown, I bent first to look, and then for a photo. Later, when I scanned the day’s images, I stopped on this one: the green was arresting in its shades other than pine, but so too was the shadow crowding in from the left. What threw that, I wondered?

It took a moment to recognize my shadow-self. No “halo” though, and so not “one of the elect” under the eye of divinity. A relief.

Not long after, it occurred to me that the “shady” should replace the selfie, if one is of a mind to record presence. There could even be shady-sticks, repurposed selfie-sticks that are held behind and between person and sun. Such a shot would rearrange the celebrity-selfie as well: whose shadow is that next to my familiar own?

Shadies are all about silhouettes, an older sort of representation before full-frontal me-ness claimed everyone’s attention. They suggest presence without making it central; they are the outline of story without the banal details and chipped tooth.

An old shady from the Kerry Way

An old shady from the Kerry Way

Attending to shadow also makes us more aware in the woods, where the margins of little light hold the world’s other animals. No longer in peril (unless you run or walk in lion territory), our sense of the shadowy periphery has faded; what used to be a wide angle of awareness has shrunk to a few central degrees. And, as I watch a whole new generation of walkers with bent-over heads, focused on small glowing screens, oblivious to what’s around them, I realize what easy meat we have become.

Trees, of course, know shadies.

Trees, of course, know shadies.

The shady then is remainder and reminder. Our shadows say that we were there, are here, but they say also that we are not the whole show.

New walking mantra: Leave only footprints; take only shadies.

My current, signature shady

My current, signature shady

How (Now) We Vote

“Cast your whole vote, not a strip of paper merely, but your whole influence.” Thoreau, Civil Disobedience

Here in Maine, we near caucus, even as others across the country turn to (or look away from) their primaries. The long, at times, colorful, overflight of hot-air balloons that precedes this actual choosing of balloonists is over. Now, which to pick? How to give that choice a semblance of weight?

Whenever I vote, Henry Thoreau comes to mind, in part because the approach to voting, if one cares, seems to me infinitely complex. But then it simplifies to a “strip of paper.” I must choose one name.

In Maine we express primary choice via that awkward verb, “to caucus,” which the little meaning-checker in my mind invariably switches to “carcass.” Which connects again with Thoreau, who advises that we do more than scratch an X on paper, that we “cast [our] whole vote,” throwing some weight of action and effort behind that vote. Thoreau asks then that we vote with our bodies or…yes, you see it coming…we caucus with our carcasses.

All right, I have had my little fun with the little trickster of language, but what about the weight of voting? Is there a weight and weightiness that surrounds voting, even in this era when the average citizen with her or his average voice feels diminished? Are we making any mark when we vote?

My mind leaps to another weighty moment, and I am reminded of another being (of sorts; also familiar to Thoreau) that scratched its mark across the landscape, leaving sign of its passage and preferred direction.

Long before we began making our marks on this land, the glacier scraped over our region, and, where bedrock’s exposed, we find its signs. How did they get there? The ice, in places thousands of feet thick, carried within it innumerable stones, and those on the bottom surface acted as little gouges on the bedrock that stayed put. Each stone that made its mark was a voice of sorts: “I was here and went this way.”

And, as I vote, I imagine myself as a little stone too, one for now at the place where the body politic grinds over bedrock; I make my mark. And then the glacier politic moves on.

Ice votes

Ice votes

I know Thoreau had in mind much more agency than that; his heroic “I” could, in his mind, throw his weight about in ways that made voting on a “strip of paper” seem trifling. That is the argument of being Civilly Disobedient.

But for this post, I’m wondering about the Xs of voting, and whether this – “Cast your whole vote, not a strip of paper merely, but your whole influence” – still feels possible, whether you or I, the average Jo or Joe today, is more than a little scratching stone? That seems a voting season’s question.